Yesterday, I was having real trouble trying to find out what to type about in my next entry.
After all, what could a guy like me, an 18-year-old who hasn't had a relationship in over six years,
possibly type about? I consulted with a friend on AIM and came to the conclusion that I had
absolutely NOTHING to type about. I mean, it's not like I could talk about
relationships,
sex, or any of the things that I've never had before or in a long time, so what could I type about?
Before I went to bed, I was thinking long and hard about what to type about. Ironically, after I stopped thinking about it, a great idea hit me. Why don't I talk about
self-confidence? After all, I feel pretty self-confident in myself, and SOME people said they actually
envied my self-confidence. So, that's exactly what I decided to type about in my next entry.
So ask yourself this question:
What is self-confidence?
You might be thinking "self confidence is having confidence in yourself...DUH! What a stupid question, Brandon. I outta slap you across the face with a wet fish". Well, if it's such an easy question...then why do people have a problem applying it to their own lives? Why can't everyone have confidence in their own self?
Now ask yourself this question:
What is preventing you from having confidence in yourself?
What I would like you to do now is to write down everything that you think is preventing you from having that easily understood word "self-confidence" (it's important that you WRITE instead of type...I know, just chill).
Are you writing anything down? You better be. Yeah, that's right...you BETTAH BE.
Keep in mind that this can be a very time consuming thing. If you feel as if you aren't finished, then don't continue reading. This ain't school where you gotta write an essay in a given amount of time. This entry will be here for as long as you want it to...so take your time.
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Now that you have finished writing down everything that you could
possibly think of, what I want you to do now is crumple it up and throw it away. Hell, you can even shred it up, or light it on fire. What I DON'T want you to do is use it as toilet paper because it's rather uncomfortable for your butthole.
Now that you've done SOMETHING to that piece of paper(s) that contains everything that you could think of that is preventing you from having self-confidence, I have another question that I want you to answer:
What is the purpose of throwing away that paper(s)? I mean, you worked hard on it, right? Wouldn't you want to keep it?
The paper(s) that you just threw away symbolizes ALL the things that are preventing you from having self-confidence. So Brandon,
how is that possible?
You forgot what self-confidence is. Self-confidence is dealing with the SELF. How you think about yourself is not determined by outside factors. It is completely internal. It doesn't matter what your grandmother says, your father says, your mother says, your brother, your sister. What it all comes down to is what
YOU say about yourself.
Just because we don't all look like Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie doesn't mean that we can't be self-confident. You don't need a
reason to be self-confident, because once you're committed to being self-confident, what people say or do won't matter.
There have been mothers in the world who grew up being sexually molested by people they knew, and/or random people. Some famous celebrities grew up in poverty or were even homeless. Do you know how they became good mothers, and successful celebrities?
They threw away those papers. They started thinking less about the things that didn't matter, and more about the things that did. You see, you think miracles can only happen to people who have potential. Sometimes, people do get lucky. But miracles happen everyday. A life is saved, a baby is born, and a person decides to not commit suicide.
So, the last question I have for you is...when you look into the mirror, would you rather see
or would you rather see
?
Comments (38)
I love this entry. Honestly there's a real different perspective on the whole 'confidence' issue. Like myself i have problems being confident but it's w.i.p and im aware of it. lol it sux. But yea i wonder if people have problems with confidence just because they fear rejection or simply because of all the negativity that surrounds them. It takes a strong person-and a person that loves themselves, to go through a day without being affected by negative criticisms. *shrugs* maybe there's a book called 'self confidence for dummies' and i missed the memo about it. lol but i loved the symbolism u used too so yea ^.^
Just a quick point. Having relationships doesnt make you more intresting or nessasarily give you something to talk about. Unless you like to brag. And thats never a good thing. Your intresting if you feel you are worth the time to be intrested in.
And once again....great artical!!!! =D
I remember in my conversations with God about this topic him mentioning the following things:
It doesn't matter how you look; it's how you see yourself.
When you are a queen it doesn't matter what you look like. People will want to look like you anyway. Queens shape what is and is not considered to be beautiful. (I don't remember the exact phrasing on this one, but that was the gist. Part of that may be me, not God.)
Why do you always pretend to be someone you're not? You made the person you pretend to be but I made the person you really are.
My favorite part of this post:
You forgot what self-confidence is. Self-confidence is dealing with the
SELF. How you think about yourself is not determined by outside
factors. It is completely internal. It doesn't matter what your
grandmother says, your father says, your mother says, your brother,
your sister. What it all comes down to is what YOU say about yourself.
i have a question for you, and i may have missed it in your entry because i have to leave so i read fast but, what shows you confidence in a woman? because i think that men have different perspectives on that.
and you should read my entry and give me some feedback. i like getthing men's perspectives and you seem to tell it how it is! :) thanks
excellent entry. sometimes, it's a constant battle. this is solid advice and I appreciate it.
Great post. I think everyone has to deal with this self-inflicted torment from time to time. Know thyself and know that not everybody knows the answer. We're all plugging away, some have bigger challenges, but overall we're all just trying to find the answers...
ah, i loved this entry. i particularly enjoyed your comparison with a good mother and a celebrity. these thoughts of yours are well articulated, and i couldn't help but nod and smile throughout reading it.
thanks for writing such a brilliant entry. :]
Oh, and another thing - you should think about having your own column. Send a few samples in to your local paper or something.
Um, when I look in the mirror, I hope I see me, because, no offense, but I'm way prettier.
Just kidding. Great post. You are right, our confidence comes from our decision to focus on the positive rather than the negative.
I like it, Brandon, confidence is such a huge issue for so many people. I've just become a little more confident recently due to some life events, and it's made a huge difference.
Oh, and now that you've written two good entries in a row, no pressure, feel free to mess up once or twice.
Blogging is fun!
dude, you've got a good head on your shoulders. i'm eighteen, too, and i'm not so sure i'll ever be able to look at myself and be completely happy. i'll always know i'm faulted. but, straight up, this entry helped. i didn't write anything down. sorry. tried that one already and it doesn't really work for me. but i'm taking your advice to heart. so thanks.
-denise
This is very creative and true.
I really appreciate this because it's something I battle with on a daily basis. Maybe it's one of those things that I just need to beat into my head, but it hasn't been as easy for me as it has for many others to regain a sense of dignity and self-confidence. Everyone has their own battles, but I think you've conveyed your approach in a very creative, effective way.
Thanks. I just might try that.
This is a great entry for people dealing w/ self esteem issues. since I've already been through this phase and am past it (for now, dun dun dunn, because almost no one can say they never have self-confidence issues every once in awhile) i only have one other thing to say....you're 18?! lol
Word, man. Word.
@lil_ziv_7@xanga - Wouldn't that be great? Then again, I'm not a fan of "for dummies" books. Then again, I've only read one book that was "Windows XP for dummies" so I take that back. They do have a shitload of books, it wouldn't surprise me if they did have a book about self-confidence.
@TeenyNo1@xanga - That's true. But the thing is that my site is on Datingish. Don't you have to keep it about relationships? It'd be cool if you didn't, but I dunno. And thanks.
@charlottegeely@xanga - Thanks, I think that's a good part too. God is a very wise dude.
@AgirlCalledBill@xanga - You mean like how can I tell if a girl is confident? Hopefully that's your question cause I'm going to answer it. Basically, she takes compliments. She doesn't need to ask whether or not she's beautiful, and she respects her body. If she exercises out of respect for herself, that's good. If she exercises to satisfy people, that's not respect. As long as she does things out of respect for herself, that's self-confidence -- not caring what other people think, and being nothing but confident about herself.
@DBF21@xanga - Yes! I think everyone goes through it because it's very difficult. Everyone just wants to be accepted by reality, whether it be a physical acceptance and/or a mental. It's hard not to care what other people think, but if you're more concerned with what YOU think, you can minimize the stress to satisfy others.
@Superkla@xanga - Indeed you are right.
@wherethefishlives@xanga - Yeah, you're right. You're a wise man. That's just how the business is.
@wherethefishlives@xanga - That'd be pretty cool, but I don't think it's a good idea for me. I got too much stuff going on in my life right now: First job, planning to go into the air force and moving in with my best friend and such. It's not much, but I'm so used to doing nothing.
@lovesporks@xanga - Thanks :P Glad you enjoyed it. Your face reminds me of this girl I somewhat knew. She was short, pretty, and I always wanted to giggle cause she was so...I don't know...cute I guess you could say?
excellent writing
neither, id rather see a smile
@A___Beautiful___Disaster@xanga - Yup yup!
@GreekPhysique@xanga - Yeah. Once you have confidence in yourself, those confidence BOOSTERS really help out. But if you have no confidence and something good happens, it's only short lived.
@GreekPhysique@xanga - It is fun. I'm not worried about messing up, I'm worried about people losing interest in my entries lol. I figure, hey, since I got featured, why don't I see how far I can go?
@ohsoxcreative@xanga - Ah darn. Yeah, different things work for different people. Hopefully you'll find what makes you more confident in yourself.
@meriibunny@xanga - Thanks! Creative and good is always a good thing!
@RisingRebirth@xanga - Like they say, you gotta start somewhere. You can't always be self confident in yourself, I don't think. But if you wanna work up to being more confident in yourself, you might feel like you haven't gotten anywhere. Just bring yourself back up and keep pushing. Remember, small steps eventually add up.
@Ju1cyXCouture@xanga - Yup. Only 18. That's how we do it.
@yello_lego@xanga - Word. Lol thanks for the comment.
Well said!
Yeah... also, I think it's interesting how 'self confidence' can be clearly distinguished from 'self esteem'. One can be very high and the other very low, it's quite interesting. And oh, I'm glad you didn't write about sex or relationships... those are overrated and way too common :)
~Maleka